Sunday, April 3, 2011

My Messy Secrets

Everybody has secrets. Even me. I share most of my life with the world because I have so much I want to express.  Not only that, but God wants me to. For a while I asked God, "Why me? Why am I having to go through all this?  I really am a good person and I don't deserve this. What is the reason behind all this?" 

The answer is this.  You see my whole life I have been learning how to become what he wanted.  I have always been writing since I was little.  Six years ago my best friend handed me a memoir to read "Memoirs of a Geisha" and we planned that I would write a book.  I would write my own memoir.  I never expected that the next six years would give me all the content I needed.  And I never expected for it to be God's calling for me to write about my life.

When I started sharing my messy secrets, I could not believe the feedback that I started getting.  People were really reading about my life and relating to it. It was amazing. I was actually helping other people who were going through what I did or something similar.  I started this whole giving back and working for God thing with the thought that if I could help just "one" person it would all be worth it. But then I started connecting with so many people and sharing with them what God has done in my life.  I realized that finally my dream was coming together. 

But it was never really my dream after all.  It was God's dream. 

The more I live, the more I write, the more I remember, the less I can share the real truth. You see, my life is not just about my mess.  My life also includes the messy life of those I care about around me.  And so while I try to write about my journey, I feel like I can't express the whole truth which is killing me.  And so I have decided that this book of mine will be the real truth.  I figure that if I write out all the secrets and let those I love read it first after it is complete, they will understand.  I think then and only then they will be able to see how "My Messy Secret" is truly God's work. 

I'm going to continue this blog of course.  Eventually I will focus on using this blog to share my journey of writing a book.  That should be fun.  I enjoy all of you who read my posts, whether or not you share with me that you did or that you never do. Let it be your very own "Messy Secret"

Peace and Hearts

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