Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Am I in "wifey" training mode or what?

I believe a daughter's relationship with her father has a great affect on her relationships with other men.

A little background information...
If you don't already know, I recently moved back to Virginia after being away for three years.  My Dad really wanted me to live with him for a while, which is one of the reasons God wanted me to come back at the time that I did.  My relationship with my father has made a drastic change in the past year.  You see he was always in my life, but I finally understood more about him during this past year. I have not lived with my father in over 20 years.  My parents split up when I was about 8 and I always lived with my Mom. When I was 17 I spent two weeks in Germany with my Dad.  For the first time I was "living" with him and that trip alone made a huge impact on our relationship. Now I am really living with him and learning a lot.

Living with the opposite of messy...
My Dad has always been extremely neat and organized and so this is of course where I picked up my "perfectionism" attitude at an early age.  However my mom is more relaxed and well that is where I picked up my "procrastination" attitude.  And so as I'm living here "temporarily" I am having to battle with my messy self in the oppostite of messy. So after two years of living with my ex as he tried to turn me into "little miss housekeeper", I spent the past year living with the most awesome roommate who shared the same clean, messy, procrastinating lifestyle as myself.  I have to admit, I got completely spoiled. Now I am back to faking it. 

If I can't be a bit messy, I'm just not really being me.

1. No shoes in the house.
This policy I actually tried to enforce when I was living with my ex. However, we always had those times we would forget and walk back in the house with shoes on.  And this is why you just invest in a carpet cleaner.  It's just not a big deal.  Here it is a cardinal sin to wear shoes in the house. I caught on really quick.

2. We have a dishwasher. We don't use it.
First of all, I'm the kind of girl that rinses food off the dish and leaves it in the sink or puts it in the dishwasher.  The dishes pile up, but what is really the big deal?  I had even made a deal with my ex once.  I clean the bathrooms, you can clean the kitchen.  However I still got yelled at a lot about my dishes in the sink.  But really, what is the problem?  I think it works out better if I just clean all the dishes at once while jamming out to music on my Ipod.  Also those dishes in the dishwasher that are clean stay there for a while. Looking for a glass or dish to use? Just check the dishwasher. What if I'm unsure about the dishes being clean already that are in the dishwasher? Just start it over again and wash them twice. Currently I'm learning the habit of washing each individual dish as I use it and placing it back where it belongs. It just feels so wrong.

3. Laundry is a big problem.
I'll never forget when I was 15 and my Mom shrunk one of my favorite shirts in the dryer. It swear it would have fit my Barbie.  That was the day I never let anybody touch my laundry again. But like anything else in the world, I forget about laundry.  I might throw a load in the wash and remember it hours later.  I could literally have laundry in the dryer for up to a week. Let's not mention the countless times I frantically throw a few articles of clothing in the dryer just to get the wrinkles out before I go somewhere. Well all of the above, is definitely not allowed here.  I'm having a hard time.

4. Random messes.
In any living situation, you should be able to find traces of me around the house.  Articles of clothing in the washing machine, random items scattered around the kitchen, magazines, fingernail polish, keys, and more random personal item scattered across the house on coffee tables or counters.  If you walked into this house, you wouldn't find anything until coming into my room.  I have to pick up after myself everywhere.  I can't even leave keys on a table without getting a knock on the door asking if they are mine. 

I love my Dad so much.  He's like the coolest man I know.  I have learned so much from him my whole life.  I won't ever date a guy that doesn't share a majority of his values and qualities. I have to wonder if my time here is somehow preparing me for that man that I will be with my whole life.  The best part is that no matter what I do, my Dad is always so nice and understanding.  He knows I'm having to change a lot and appreciates that.  His reminders are never nagging or judgmental, and I totally want to please his requests to "clean my mess"

I just have to wonder Am I in "wifey" training mode or what?

Peace and Hearts

Sunday, April 3, 2011

My Messy Secrets

Everybody has secrets. Even me. I share most of my life with the world because I have so much I want to express.  Not only that, but God wants me to. For a while I asked God, "Why me? Why am I having to go through all this?  I really am a good person and I don't deserve this. What is the reason behind all this?" 

The answer is this.  You see my whole life I have been learning how to become what he wanted.  I have always been writing since I was little.  Six years ago my best friend handed me a memoir to read "Memoirs of a Geisha" and we planned that I would write a book.  I would write my own memoir.  I never expected that the next six years would give me all the content I needed.  And I never expected for it to be God's calling for me to write about my life.

When I started sharing my messy secrets, I could not believe the feedback that I started getting.  People were really reading about my life and relating to it. It was amazing. I was actually helping other people who were going through what I did or something similar.  I started this whole giving back and working for God thing with the thought that if I could help just "one" person it would all be worth it. But then I started connecting with so many people and sharing with them what God has done in my life.  I realized that finally my dream was coming together. 

But it was never really my dream after all.  It was God's dream. 

The more I live, the more I write, the more I remember, the less I can share the real truth. You see, my life is not just about my mess.  My life also includes the messy life of those I care about around me.  And so while I try to write about my journey, I feel like I can't express the whole truth which is killing me.  And so I have decided that this book of mine will be the real truth.  I figure that if I write out all the secrets and let those I love read it first after it is complete, they will understand.  I think then and only then they will be able to see how "My Messy Secret" is truly God's work. 

I'm going to continue this blog of course.  Eventually I will focus on using this blog to share my journey of writing a book.  That should be fun.  I enjoy all of you who read my posts, whether or not you share with me that you did or that you never do. Let it be your very own "Messy Secret"

Peace and Hearts